Just Keep Breathing
by Amourlecture
Summary: After a rather long stay at the refuge, racetrack comes back acting differently. He doesn't smile as much as he used to and he's always snapping at someone. And not to mention, the nightmares that plague him every night. Of course, Jack takes notice and is determined to figure out what happened to make race act this way. Set a few years before the strike.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi everyone! So I know I said I would be updating my other story 2 to 3 times a month, but then I realized, I'm a procrastinator and I'm never going to be able to do that. But anyway, this is a new story I've started. I got the idea a few days back and decided I might as well write it down before I forget. Please tell me if I make any mistakes and please review! Thanks =)**

 **Warnings: Mentions of blood and minor cursing.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Newsies or any of its characters**

Jack pov:

The day that racetrack disappeared, was one of the worst of my life. I had just gotten back to the lodge house after another grueling day of work. Walking in, I saw something I didn't expect to see. Specs was pacing around the room, talking to the boys.

"He shoulda been back by now", he said walking over to a window, peaking out.

"Who shoulda been back by now?", I said, walking over to my bed and collapsing on it.

Turning around to face me, Specs shouted, "Race! He missed dinner."

Rolling over so my back was facing him, I muttered,"He's probably out at a bar or something. He'll be back by morning."

After all, race was known to be out at all hours of the night, but he was always in his bed when I woke up. Until the next day when I woke up and didn't see him collapsed on his bed.

The whole rest of that day, me and a few of the other boys searched everywhere for him. The entire time we were searching, one thought kept crossing my mind, 'He's in the refuge'. After searching until it was well after dusk, everyone turned in for the night. Expect me. I stayed out, searching every bar and alleyway I could find. By the time morning came, I had given up hope. I just knew he was in the refuge. Already, I missed his obnoxious laugh and smell of his gross cigars. Everyone did, to the point where even Spot noticed his absence.

The next few weeks were torture for all of us, especially me. I knew what happened in there, knew that when race came back, he wasn't going to be the same. But after three long and painful weeks, he finally came back home.

We had all just turned in for the night, getting some much-needed sleep when I heard the front door creaking open. Thinking it was just Romeo coming home from one of his many dates, I turned over and ignored it. But then, I heard a loud thud in front of my bed. It sounded like Romeo had had a little too much to drink.

Sighing, I sat up and said, "Ya know, one of these days your gonna get yourself killed if ya keep doing this." All I got in reply was a weak groan. Slipping out of bed, I walked to where I thought he was, intending to help into his bed. What I was meet with made me freeze. Though I could barely see anything, I knew I wasn't staring at Romeo. Instead of Romeo's greasy dark hair, I saw matted blond curls. Dropping to my knees so I could get a better look, my suspensions were confirmed. Lying face down on the floor was none other than race.

"Specs, Albert wake up!", I yelled, panicking.

"Hey, pipe it down!", yelled one of the boys from across the room.

Ignoring him, I grabbed race's shoulders, gently rolling him onto his back. What I saw made my heartbreak. His face was covered in bruises and the front of his shirt had blood smeared all over it. And if he was skinny before, he was a damn skeleton now.

"What's going on?", slurred Albert, who was just stumbling out of his bed. Specs was just getting off his bed when Albert gasped "What the hell? Is that race?"

"Race?", Specs said, now wide awake and walking over to us. "What happened to him?", he gaped, seeing the blood on his shirt.

"Look, I don't know. I's found him like this. He most of escaped the refuge." Even saying the word gave me chills. There was no telling what they did to the poor kid.

Finally deciding what to do, I said," Help me get him on my bed."

Albert and Specs quickly grabbed his legs will I grabbed his shoulders, being mindful of his many bruises. Then, all of a sudden the lights were flicked on. Yells of protest were immediately yelled and I heard a familiar voice say, "What's going on here?" 'Romeo, when the hell did he get here?', I thought.

Quickly turning around, I said, "It's race, he's hurt bad."

A flash of relief and then panic crossed Romeo's face before he ran over to us. "Race?", he squeaked, peaking over my shoulder, and gasping at the sight of him. "What happened?", he whispered, eyes still glued to race's still form.

Looking away, I said," Doesn't matter. Specs, go get some bandages and towels. Albert, get some water. and Romeo" I paused, before ordering" Get Spot." Usually, I would never drag him into this, but despite all the fights the boys had gotten in, I had no idea what to do.

Will they ran off to do what I told them, I looked at Racer's beat up face. His normally tanned face was pale and his breathing was getting faster by the second. "What happened ta ya racer?", I whispered, taking his hand in my mine. It never got easier seeing one of my brothers hurt.

Hearing heavy footsteps coming towards me, I looked up to see Albert's flustered face, with Specs not far behind him. Placing the supplies on the nightstand, Specs said, "We need ta stop the bleeding before he goes into shock."

Carefully, I helped Specs peel Race's thin shirt off, and what I saw made my heart drop. All across his stomach and chest, deep straight cuts were carved into him. They were bleeding heavily too.

"Shit", breathed Romeo beside me. "Now what?", he questioned with wide eyes, looking back and forth between me and Specs.

"We need ta put pressure on it", Specs stated firmly as if he knew what he was talking about.

"Pressure? Ya sure that won't make it worse", Albert said.

"It's worth a try", Specs said, looking at him.

Grabbing one of the towels, I folded it and placed on his stomach, where the bleeding was worse. When I put pressure on it though, I immediately regretted. For the next thing I knew, Race's eyes snapped open and he quickly scrambled out of my touch. He tried to stand up, probably to run, but, still dazed, he tripped over his own feet and landed flat on the floor. His eyes were unseeing and frantic, and they never stood still for more than a second.

Swallowing hard, I dropped the towel and slowly stepped toward him. His eyes snapped up at me and I knew he didn't recognize me.

"D-don't come any c-closer", he stuttered, clearly terrified out of his mind.

Raising my hands to let him know I meant no harm, I reassured him. "It's okay race. It's Jack. You's home."

Taking a step closer, I immediately regretted it. He cried out "Don't!", before covering his head with his arms, thinking I was going to hit him.

Never in my life had I seen him this panicked. His breaths were coming out in choked sputters, and his stomach was bleeding even heavier.

Stepping back, I crouched so I was eye level with him before saying," Race it's okay. It's me, Jack. I ain't gonna let them hurt ya."

After what seemed like forever, though was only seconds, he slowly lifted his head to look at me. When I made eye contact with him, I could barely contain myself from hugging him. His normally vibrant eyes were filled with so many different emotions at that moment. The first was fear, then confusion, and finally, relief.

"Jack", he choked out, tears starting to making their way down his pale face. Quickly going over to him, I scooped him into a hug, being mindful of his injuries. He dropped his head on my shoulder before letting out a choked sob.

Running my hand through his hair, I whispered," It's alright kid. I'm here." My own eyes were starting to tear up. Though I was obviously worried, I was so happy to finally be able to hug him.

We stayed that way for a while, with Albert and Specs occasionally casting Race a worried look. And when Race had finally stopped crying, that was when the leader of Brooklyn decided to show up.

Swinging open the door, Spot Conlon stroud in, with an exhausted Romeo trailing behind him. Quickly spotting us on the floor, he walked over and crouched beside me, briefly casting a look at me. Then he made the mistake of touching Race. I knew he meant no harm, but when he touched Race's shoulder, I wanted to punch him. Race gasped, snapping his head from up from my shoulder to see who touched him. Spot quickly held up his hands, showing he meant no harm.

"Hey, hey, kid, I ain't gonna hurt ya", he said, showing more emotion then I thought he possessed. A look of recognition came across Race's face before he shakily nodded.

Once again making eye contact with me, he looked back at Race and said softly, " We's need ta look at ya kid. From the looks of it, ya ain't doin too hot. That okay?"

Race looked up at me with terrified eyes before stuttering," I-I's fine Jack, r-really."

Sighing, I detached myself from him and stayed at eye level with him before saying, "Race, you know as well as I do that you ain't fine. Besides, ya know we would neva hurt ya", I paused before cracking a smile and continuing," Not even Spot's that mean."

Looking once more from me to Spot, he reluctantly nodded.

"I'm gonna pick ya up, that okay?", I asked, making eye contact with him to let him know I meant no harm.

Nodding once again, he let me pick him up and place him on my bed. Walking to the other side of the bed, with Race never taking his eyes off of him, Spot picked up the disgraded towel I had dropped and said," What were ya plannin ta do with this?"

Albert pointed to Specs, and poor Specs looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here.

"Putting pressure on the cuts", he stuttered, clearly terrified.

Rolling his eyes, Spot threw the towel at him before saying, "No need ta pee ya pants, just pulling ya leg." Dragging up a chair, Spot sat down and grabbed a clean towel, intending to clean Race up. But as soon as he got ready to start, Race curled in on himself and yelled, "Don't!"

Spot cast me a worried look, before standing up and looking at Race.

"If ya won't let me clean ya up, will ya let Jack?", Spot said, pointing towards me.

Race's eyes stayed frozen on the towel in Spot's hands, before he briefly nodded, looking to me with frightened eyes. Taking the towel from Spot, I hesitantly sat in the chair, not knowing what I was supposed to do. Seeing my confused face, Spot said, "Ya have no idea what ta do, do ya?"

"I got no clue", I said helplessly.

Leaning against the bedpost, he said, "Simple. All ya gotta do is get the dirt out of the cuts so it doesn't get infected."

Swallowing hard, I revelently started. As soon as I touched one of the cuts, though, Race let out a whimper. Looking up at him, surprised, I saw a pained expression on his face.

"Just hurry up", he grunted, squeezing his eyes shut.

Looking back down, I went back to the task of cleaning up the rest of the cuts. After about 10 minutes, I had finished and was about to ask Spot how to bandage him when I noticed something I hadn't before.

Every single one of the boys was sitting wide awake in their beds, staring at Race's shaking form.

Standing up, I walked to the end of the bed and ordered, "Back to bed boys, he'll be fine"

"Is that Racetrack?", asked a small voice from across the room. Crutchie, of course, he chose right now to wake up.

Sighing, I said, "Race, will ya let Spot bandage ya up? I gotta go talk ta Crutch real quick."

Race cracked one of his eyes open, before nodding, looking at Spot cautiously, as if he'd never seen him in his life.

Walking over to Crutchie's bed, I saw him sitting straight up in bed, his hair sticking up every which way. Squatting down beside him, I said, "Yeah, it's Race." And before I could say anything else, Crutchie was grabbing for his crutch.

"Woah woah, wait, kid, let me finish", I said, taking his crutch from his hands, and placing it beside his bedpost. "He ain't feelin too hot right now. But ya can talk his ear off as much as ya want later. How's that sound?", I asked, trying to keep his eyes on me, and not on Race's bloodied form.

"Ok", he said in a small voice, eyes darting over to Race when he heard him yelp in pain.

Ruffling his hair, I planted a kiss on his head before walking back to Race.

Spot had just about finished wrapping Race's torso up, and from the looks of it, Race wasn't having any fun. His breathing was becoming out in shorts breaths and his face was beaded with sweat.

Sitting on the end of the bed, catching the wince Race tried to hide, I asked, "How ya holdin up?"

"Fine", he hissed, wincing as Spot pulled tightly on the bandages. Finally finishing, Spot stood up and said, "Got anything else wrong?"

Race's eyes quickly darted to the bandages on his chest before he replied, "Nope." He should have known better than to lie in front of me. I had known him since he was 8 years old.

Fixing him with a stern look, I said, "What are ya hidin?"

Race's face paled even more if that was possible, and stuttered out," Nothing, I-I's fine."

And then that's when I saw it. Peaking just under his pants leg was a trail of blood. I reached for his ankle, only for him to move it out of my reach.

"Race", I said sternly, giving him a look to let him know I was serious. "Leg, now."

"Jack, I's fine", he said, clearly flustered.

"Then you'll let me look at ya leg", I said, making another grab for his ankle. This time, he wasn't quick enough to stop me.

"Jack, stop it!", race yelled, trying to squirm out of my hold. Ignoring him, I rolled up his pants leg and saw something that made me want to throw up. Carved in chopping letters, along his calf, was the word 'thief'.

"Race", I said softly, looking up at him. He was looking down at his chest again.

"Race, look at me", I pleaded.

Lifting his eyes up, Race looked at me with an ashamed look on his face.

"Who did this ta ya?", I questioned, already knowing the answer.

Race let out a dry chuckle before saying, "Who do ya think?", agitation flashing in his eyes.

I just nodded at this, not wanting to let on how angry I was at Synder. Grabbing another clean towel, I was about to clean it out when Spot held up his hand and stepped closer, inspecting the wound closely.

"I think it's infected", he said, after a while.

Looking down at it, I realized he was right. Instead of blood, pus was oozing out of the cuts.

Spot pulled something silver out of his back pants pocket before handing it to me. Once he handed it to me, I realized it was a flask. Unscrewing the lid, I took a sniff of it and immediately wished I hadn't. It stung my nostrils and my eyes started watering.

"What the hell is that?", I sputtered, shoving it back into his hands, and hastily rubbing my eyes with the back of arms.

"Alcohol. Some of the strongest stuff you'll ever find", he said, reaching for a cup that was on the nightstand, and pouring about half of it in the cup. Then, without warning, he poured the rest on Race's leg.

Race's eyes widened and he clamped his eyes shut, curling in on himself.

"What the hell Spot?", I said, grabbing race's leg to keep it still before he messed it up even more.

"What?", Spot said, taking a sip out of the cup in his hand, acting like it was no big deal.

"Give me a warning next time, will ya?", Race hissed, still trying to squirm out of my hold.

After a while, he stopped squirming long enough for me to bandage his leg. Noticing that his eyes were starting to get hazy, I grabbed a blanket and draped it over him.

"Get some sleep kid. I'll be right back", I said, planting a kiss on his forehead, before motioning for Spot to follow me outside.

Stepping outside into the chilly air, I sat down and buried my head in my hands, muttering, "I've never seen him look so scared."

Wordlessly, Spot sat down beside me, handing me the cup in his hand. Taking a long swig, I sighed, relishing the burn.

"Ya know, he's gonna act a little different for a while, right?", Spot said, looking out at the street in front of us.

"Yeah", I whispered, hating how he was right. We sat there for a while before Spot interrupted the peace and said, "If ya ever want me ta talk to him, just ask. You and I both know what it's like in that hell hole."

Smiling sadly, I glanced at him and said, "Thanks. I have a feeling I'm gonna need all the help I can get."

A few hours later, I would regret those words. For I had no idea what was coming my way.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hi again! I'm so so sorry for the long wait. Between school and sports, I've been really busy and I had a short spout of writer's block so that really didn't help. But anyway, again, I'm really sorry for the long wait. Thank you for reading and please review!**

 **Warnings: Minor cursing**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Newsies or any of its characters**

After Spot left, I went inside to check on race and found him passed out on my bed. He was lying on his back with one of his arms over his eyes like he always slept. His breathing was still ragged, but at least he was resting. He almost looked peaceful, but I knew it wouldn't last.

Grabbing a pillow and blanket, I laid down on the floor beside my bed, shivering slightly when realized how cold it was. Putting down my pillow and wrapping up in the blanket, I closed my eyes, thankful for the rest.

I don't even remember falling asleep but it couldn't have been even 30 minutes before I was woken up. At first, I could barely hear it. It sounded like someone was talking outside, so I ignored it. But it gradually kept getting louder until it sounded like someone was screaming. Bolting up from where I was on the ground, I looked to where race was and saw what I had been dreading. He was already having a nightmare. He was curled up in a ball and his face was pinched tight. He kept yelling over and over again, "Leave me alone!"

Cursing myself for not waking up sooner, I grabbed his shoulders and shook him slightly, saying "Race, wake up its just a dream." All he did was curl in on himself even more. Shaking him a little more forcefully, I said louder, "Race, wake up!"

His eyes snapped open and he sat up with a choked gasp, grabbing at the bandages wound tightly around his stomach.

"Woah, woah, calm down kid. It's okay", I said softly, placing my hands on his shoulders to steady him. It only took me a second to realize that was a mistake. He immediately shed away from me, yelling, "Don't touch me!"

"Race, its okay. It's just me, Jack", I said slowly, slightly flustered at his outburst. His eyes darted everywhere, never staying in one place for a second.

"Race, its okay", I said again, hating the way he flinched when I spoke. "I ain't gonna hurt ya."

After a few seconds, he finally looked up at me. I was meet with a bruised and tear-stained face. His normally curly hair was matted down with sweat, giving it a greasy appearance. The look on his face was one of a scared little kid.

"Race, your okay", I said, making him look me in the eyes. He shakily nodded, dropping his eyes to the floor, sniffing lightly. "Ya want ta talk about it?", I said, though I already knew what his response was going to be.

He bit his lip, holding back unshed tears before he shook his head no. He was already clamming up on me, though I knew it wouldn't last long.

Sighing, I said, "Race, look at me. It's alright ta cry, I's ain't gonna make fun of ya."

He looked up at me, staring at me for a while. At first, all he did was sniffle a few times, trying to hold back tears. But then, he finally let the dame break. His face started to crumble and he let out a small sob. All at once, he threw his arms around me, clinging to me like I was going to disappear.

"It's okay kid, I got ya", I said, running a hand through his greasy hair. At this point, I knew he wasn't going to let go anytime soon, so I decided I might as well get comfortable. I went to shift so that I was leaning my back against the headboard, but as soon as I moved an inch race cried frantically, "Don't leave!" Synder most of really done a number on him for him to act like this. Race always kept his emotions in check, even after close run-ins with the bulls.

"Race, Its alright, I ain't gonna leave ya", I said, patting his back lightly. He must have not believed me because, if anything, his grip tightened even more.

"I ain't leavin race, its okay", I said once again. All I got in reply was another small sob.

We sat there for probably an hour until he finally calmed down enough to let go of me. His eyes were beet red and wouldn't look up from the floor.

"You good?", I finally asked. I don't know why I asked, I already knew what his answer was going to be.

He gave a small nod, hastily wiping at his eyes. It was so strange to see him like this. He was normally always smiling and couldn't keep his mouth shut for 5 minutes. It unsettled me to see him like this.

"Race look at me", I finally said. His eyes darted up to meet mine before they went back down to the floor. He turned slightly so that he was facing away from me.

Sighing, I said, "Race I just want's ta know if you's okay."

He must have gotten tired of my pestering because as soon as the words left my mouth he turned back and snapped, "How the hell do you think I am? I was just in the refuge for crying out loud. How would you feel?" I had to admit, that stung a little, he knew the refuge was a touchy subject for me.

"Well, I'm sorry I was worried about ya. I was just tryin ta make sure ya were alright", I snapped back. He rolled his eyes before moving to stand up.

"Oh no ya don't", I said catching one of his arms.

"Let go of me!", he shouted, eyes flashing a brief look of panic.

"Race ya ain't goin nowhere, your hurt", I said, though I let go of his arm. Apparently touching him was not a good idea right now.

He ignored me, standing up on his good foot and hobbling over to his nightstand, clutching his stomach.

"What did I just say? You's gonna hurt yourself even more", I said standing up and blocking him from going any further.

"I's need a cigar, haven't had one in weeks", he said, sounding irritated and a bit out of breath. He was already looking paler.

Gently taking him by the arm, I said, "Now is not the time for a smoke, ya need ta be resting."

He must have been too tired to argue because he let me lead him back to the bed. He sat down with a slight huff, still clutching his stomach. His face had one of discomfort and it took him a while to catch his breath. After he could finally breathe properly, he looked up at me and said, "I really hate ya sometimes." Rolling my eyes, I stood up and picked up one of the disgarded blankets from the floor, shaking it out before placing it over race.

"What are ya doin?", race asked, staring at me as I grabbed two more blankets and did the same.

"If you ain't gonna talk, then you's gonna rest", I said ignoring his question.

He gave me a blank stare, before taking one of the blankets and trying to throw it at me.

"Lay down", I said, catching the blanket and laying it back on the bed. He opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off with, "Night Racer."

Walking back to the other side of the bed, I sat down and fluffed my pillow before laying down. I heard him huff to himself before he slowly laid down, pulling the blankets tightly around himself.

I barely got any sleep that night. The whole night, I kept waking up, listening to make sure he wasn't having a nightmare. Every now and then, he would start mumbling to himself, but he always calmed down after a few minutes. I didn't even realize I was asleep until someone was shaking me awake.

"What is it?", I slurred, sitting up and looking at the figure in front of me. It was Specs.

"Time ta sell", he said, moving to wake up the other boys.

Groaning, I rubbed my eyes and looked to my side. Race was lying on his back, breathing softly. He actually looked peaceful.

Standing up, I stretched, wincing when my back popped in several different places. I was getting too old for this.

Specs walked up to me, tucking in his shirt. "Ya want me ta stay here with him?", he said nodding towards race.

Holding back a yawn, I shook my head, saying, "I'll stay with him today. I's can clean the place up a bit."

Specs shook his head at me, chuckling. "You? Clean? Yeah right, I'd love ta see that."

Shoving him teasingly, I said, "Will ya leave already? Those papes ain't gonna sell themselves."

"Yeah yeah, whatever", he said rolling his eyes. He turned to walk away, but instead he glanced back at race's sleeping form.

"It's good ta have him back. I didn't realize we needed him so much until he was gone", he said quietly, looking back at me. I smiled softly, before saying "Yeah, well trust me, he ain't gonna leave my sight for a long time." He shook his head, chuckling, before walking away.

Within a few minutes, all the boys were gone, leaving just me and race. Deciding that I might as well get some sleep before I started cleaning, I laid down on the bed beside mine. Even though I felt like I hadn't slept in a week, it took me a long time to fall asleep. I kept glancing over at race, making sure that he wasn't gone. After about 30 minutes of this, I finally gave in, closing my eyes. And as soon as I did, I was out like a light.


End file.
